(Reading time: 6 min)
In the last issue, I spoke about The Cycle of Doom, where I talked about how to go from being broke and unemployed to awesome by breaking the cycle of doom.
Today I want to share with you how successful people deal with rejection so that you too can join the top 10% of world-class athletes, CEO & Professionals and entrepreneurs, who used rejection to become the best in their field.
By the time you reach puberty, we all have experienced rejection. This rejection may come in the form of not getting a place at the school you wanted to attend, or not getting the job you applied for or when the person you asked out said no.
When we get rejected it hurts and science is proving why ……
Professor Geraldine Downey, PhD who’s work is focused on rejection, talks about how rejection knows no bounds and you can be rejected socially, romantically and in a work situation.
Everyone is affected by it. No gender or race is immune from rejection.
Rejection makes us question our worth and value. This can result in us feeling angry or worthless.
Guy Winch PhD author of; Emotional First Aid: Practical Strategies for treating failure, rejection, guilt and other everyday psychological injuries say, “many times rejection does 50% of the damage and WE do the other 50 %”
Once we experience the first phase of rejection, we go through the 2nd phase with negative self-talk and self-criticism which takes the rejection to a whole new level.
What happens to our brains?
Research shows that rejection triggers the same brain pathways that are activated when we experience physical pain.
That’s why it hurts! No wonder it feels like being punched in the face…
So imagine, you are hoping to get into school/university.
You prepare the best you can only to be rejected.
Then your second option also rejects you.
Perhaps you are a millennial applying for jobs and you keep getting rejected.
Sometimes, you find you’re not even getting to the interview stage because you never get a reply back after sending in your CV…
And It SUCKS!!!!
So of course, it’s going to have an impact on your mental and physical well being.
Why do we need to experience rejection?
Back in the days when we were hunter-gatherers, living in a tribe was essential to survive. If we were rejected by the tribe it’s most likely we would die because we wouldn’t be able to survive on our own.
We needed the tribe for us to succeed.
In order to avoid being kicked out of the tribe, we developed a warning system aka the feeling of rejection.
What this allowed us to do was change our behaviour thus, avoiding being kick out the tribe – You could say rejection is some sort of a warning alert.
A bit like when your mobile phone flashes, when you need to update the software to ensure your phone works efficiently.
Fact is we humans are social creatures and having a tribe to belong to is essential for our survival.
Guy Winch PhD, says that a person whose self-esteem is lower will experience rejection to be more painful, and it will take them a little longer to get over it. Meanwhile, those who have higher self-esteem — but who aren’t narcissists — tend to be more resilient.
We are all affected by rejection but some of us are more sensitive to rejection than others.
Let’s look at rejection as a way for us to grow and develop into the best versions of ourselves.
What can we do to minimise the pain?
Notice I say minimise not avoid. Avoiding pain in the long term can be harmful to our personal growth.
It’s not that successful people, don’t get rejected just speak to anyone who is at the top of their field and they will share with you how many times they were rejected.
Rejection is a fact of life – unless you live like a hermit and have no human contact you’re going to have to learn effective ways to handle it.
No 1 Tip; Practice Resilience to Rejection
Unless you’re a masochist, no one in their right mind would put chilli on a finger you just cut by accident.
Taking time to soothe yourself, helps process the pain.
So, the next time you get rejected for a job interview and you feel crap about yourself. Write a list of 5 amazing qualities you have.
Then pick 1 and write a paragraph why this quality of yours is awesome and how you make the world a better place because of it.
When you surround yourself with people who care about you, it reminds you how much you are loved. Wrapping yourself in the love of those that see you as a worthwhile valuable person reminds you of just how awesome you are. Allowing you to put rejection in perspective.
Sometimes yes, really sometimes the rejection you experience has nothing to do with you.
Maybe, the reason you didn’t hear back from a job interview was that the company went bankrupt, or the school you applied to no longer offers the course due to budget cuts.
This is why having your tribe, helps you gain perspective and act as a trusted soundboard.
Join our tribe today and get the support you need after a rejection.
In the next issue, I will explore with you how your body language impacts your #Studygreatness #CareerGreatness a 2min exercise that will help you be awesome.
Share with us your experience and stories. Send us a message or contact us on our social media links below. Your story may be just what someone else needs to hear to have their breakthrough.
Thank you for reading. Give this a go and let us help you get closer to your dream lifestyle goals.
Stay tuned for our next issue!!
Until next time,
You got this!